There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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