I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
