our cab driver is having phone sex.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
