Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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