i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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