I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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