I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
