i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
