I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
should my penis look like a turkey
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
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Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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