This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
