Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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