if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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