Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
