You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
