Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
