I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
