don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
