Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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