You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
