she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
