woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
