Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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