Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Alive.
So much puke
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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