My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
