Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
pop tarts are not kleenex
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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