meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
