Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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