I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When did angry sex become our thing?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
