how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
