he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm just crazy horny about you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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