Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
