Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
