I feel like I'm in dance class right now
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
