allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
