Actions speak louder than pants.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
