I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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