I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
