K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
