OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need water and some morals
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize