if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
