Can i not drive my cunt home
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
