I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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