the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
