The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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