i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I look better un-naked...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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