Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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