OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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