In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
