New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
