im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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