Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Pants are for mortals
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
