out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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