Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
