I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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