i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
