I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
