five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
