So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
