Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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